I think I died a long time ago.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
