Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
