good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize