and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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