Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
