Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
