There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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