it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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