Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
even my farts smell like vagina
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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