my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
