i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
