8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
