are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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