My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
