New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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