Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
