He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
