Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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