so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
