Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
