Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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