I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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