so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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