I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
