I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize