I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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