You're my little dorito
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
