what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
