I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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