FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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