those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
