Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
