Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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