What did we do last night that was yellow?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
