I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
