i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
