well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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