note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
