i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
