well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize