Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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