I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
