I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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