4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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