Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You can't special order awesome
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize