PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
