A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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