I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
