Can i not drive my cunt home
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
