the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
