it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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