She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize