I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
