Sponge bath it is.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
