I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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