Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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