so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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