8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
