So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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