Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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