I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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