How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
