TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
