i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
