I would go down on you faster than GM stock
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
