Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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