pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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