Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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