oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Then you guys just all showered together...?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
