and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
