She is in my trunk
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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