I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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